My father and 2 brothers were alcoholics, my mother incapable of showing affection towards me. I am a victim of incest, emotional, physical abuse and violence. I have been abandoned by my mother, I was rejected by my peers. I recently realized I am a lost child which I did not know existed until I came to CoDA.
I spent 33 years in a dysfx marriage, I have had a lot of therapy and have read tons of self help books.
I am a survivor and I am finally thriving. Perhaps the gift of gratitude come with age.
I tried to change my family patterns but they still continue in me, my oldest daughter, my son-in-law and her 2 children. But my youngest daughter and son-in-law are stopping it by facing their codependency and now I am doing it.
4/23/12
I was planning to share but decided not too because it was
causing too much anxiety for me and I realized I did not have to do it if I did
not want to. How many times have I have
forced myself because it was the “right thing to do”, I just wanted to wait to
share when I wanted to do it.
Why am I having so much trouble sharing, is it I am afraid
of what issues I will bring up for myself or is it that I am afraid someone
will express sympathy towards me. Why
can’t I accept sympathy or a compliment?
What is it that makes me so uncomfortable because I feel I am worth a
compliment or sympathy? I certainly
deserve both. I have worked hard to be
where I am. To be able to feel gratitude, pride, happiness is huge for me.
